She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
