So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
