I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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