You made me cry and you don't even care
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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