I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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