I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
