There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
