That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
