Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
