We won't sleep together?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
