Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
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