evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize