I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
