was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
