you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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