i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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