remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I need a beard to bite.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
