Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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