Will you blow on my dice?
My first STD was from a foam party
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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