I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
