I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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