we have pet lesbian snakes
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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