fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
