Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
