If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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