I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she peed on how many people?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
