five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
