Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
