grandma shit on top of the toilet
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
