I need to stop coming to work sober
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
