Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
