so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
