when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
