I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
