I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
