Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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