I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
