the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
