i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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