walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
