people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
