I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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