I smell stomach acid.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
