I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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