Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
