I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
