I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Randomize
