Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
