Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
