i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize