I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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