he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
