We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i believe in u and ur pee
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
