We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
