she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
