Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
