Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
