At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
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