now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
