Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
