i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
